fruit salad...yummy yummy.

What a week it's been! Crazy, hectic, fun, and annoying. The fact that we have only had one car has made it hectic and annoying, Abby and I have had to get up at 6:45 and get in a cold car to take Edgar to work. Of course it IS my fault that we had to do that in the first place so whatevs. I've been dealing with some toddlerness too, Abby has started to really know what she wants. The problem is I can't understand or figure it out sometimes and it really pisses her off. Poor baby will be pointing to something that doesn't exist I think and I will frantically be saying, "this? this? this? THIS? HELP ME OUT HERE KID!" Then usually she will throw herself to the floor or bang her head on her tray if she is in her high chair. Her words have exploded in the last couple of weeks though, flower, potty, pee pee, pretty, door, colour, thank you, happy birthday, night night; every day it gets longer. It's amazing to hear and see how much she learns and grows each day. This week, thanks to my wonderful bestie Kari!, we went to see THE WIGGLES! FOR FREE :) I have thought about taking Abby to an Elmo live in the past and thought, "nah, she's too young. she won't sit still for it". But since this was free I decided what the heck, if she melts down we can just leave and not feel like we've wasted money. I asked Kelly and Nicholas if they would like to join us, even though I know Kelly is no friend of The Wiggles (can't say as I blame her) and she had the same mentality I did, why not? So off we went to the Verizon Center, got to our seats, very nice seats, good view of the stage, not that far back. The show starts and Abby is mesmerised, she starts to dance and clap her hands...she doesn't stop dancing for about half the show. They loved it, I think Nicholas was in awe of the whole thing. They laughed and danced and clapped. Great experience to see that through their eyes. After an hour and half Kelly and I looked at each other and decided that if it wasn't over in 10 minutes then we were out of there, there is only so much Wiggles two grown women can take ok? But thankfully it was over, we survived!

pumpkin patch

The Wake Up Call

Ugh...where to begin. Today has been gross. I have a bad temper, if you know me well you that I struggle to control it. alot. My fuse is short. I'm not proud of that fact and it is something that I am paying someone to help me with and boy is she going to get a story next week! Today started out as a crappy day, last night Abby slept badly, she has a cold. This morning she wouldn't eat her breakfast(won't eat=throwing food around and saying no alot), when your child won't eat it is SO ANNOYING. So, I'm trying to get ready and get her ready to go to Music Together and I decide to just take a banana for her to eat in the car (that banana changed my life lol). While I am deciding this and getting ready and trying to eat my breakfast Abby is crying, whining, throwing herself on the floor, stomping, scowling...all around ensuring she will be an only child for the rest of her life. My fuse was short. My temper was teetering on the edge. I get her into the car, after chasing her around it, and strap her in. Start the car, someone's little hand reaches up and the whining starts in the back seat. She wants a damn snack. ugh! so I get a banana out of the diaper bag and pass it back to her. She throws it on the floor of the car out of anger because apparently she didn't want a banana. That did it for me. I thought to myself, "OH NO SHE DIDN'T JUST THROW THAT FUCKING BANANA ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I thought let me just get this crap off the floor now before I forget and it starts to stink and then Edgar will get annoyed with me. So, I get out of the car and open the back passenger door and think, "hmmm...why is the car moving backwards?" and then I think, "OMFG THE CAR IS MOVING BACKWARDS!!!!!" Yes. I had the car in reverse and I got out and took my foot off the brake (hold your applause please) while the car was still in reverse. I just start screaming, "Omygodomygodomygod!!!!!!!" and Abby starts to cry (yea she is strapped into a moving car with no one behind the wheel, that's how I roll ok?) This where our carport comes in handy. I see that my driver's side door is about to hit one of the legs of the carport and think, "omygod I'm screwed if I f the car up!" and try to get into the car but can't do it fast enough because duh it's moving, so the driver's door gets caught on the leg of the carport slowing it down so that I can get in it and stop the car. Edgar runs out of the house because he heard me screaming from inside and (bless him) he gives me a big hug and tells me that everything is ok. Then after it sunk in he got real mad at me but hey I don't blame him that was pretty f'ing stupid.
I am so lucky that the car port slowed down the car. It could have been so much worse and just thinking about it makes me feel sick. The car could have kept going into the street and been hit by a car WITH ABBY IN IT. Or it could have hit someone's house. ugh. All because I was mad about some stupid piece of banana and that Abby had pissed me off sooooooooooo badly all morning I had no patience for that banana on the floor. I think I have learned today that sweating the small stuff is not worth it. Financially ( as now we have to pay our deductible, it's an AT FAULT ACCIDENT-MY FIRST BY THE WAY so our insurance will go up next year yay) that banana was not worth it. That piece of banana was not worth my baby being strapped alone in a moving vehicle with no one to control it. Being a mom is hard, stressful, frustrating beyond belief sometimes, and I don't even have to go to an outside job that was just us trying to go to a fun music class. Every summer, sadly, we hear about some mom or dad or forgot their baby was asleep in the car and left them in there. I used to think.."HOW could someone do that? How could you FORGET your child was in the car?" well, if you had to deal with all that frustration and getting to work and driving to daycare and being on time I guess I could see how a bad decision can be made. Pick your battles. Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff. Stop and smell the roses and hug your babies.

slacker

wow, I've been slacking on this blog thing huh? I'm inspired now to keep it up from reading the blogs that I love, especially this one nieniedialogues.blogspot.com. I have decided that muy, muy organization is needed in our house. I'm sick of the clutter!!!! So I'm going to be finding some ways to organize myself and taking before and after shots. I figure if I put my messiness out there I have to do something about it right?

I'm all caught up in the swine flu vaccine frenzy right now. I have decided to get the shot for myself and for Abby. I think/hope that the risks for getting the swine flu out weigh the risks for the vaccine.

Abby is 18 months old now, she is lovely, divine, and delicious. I could just eat her up. and do on a regular basis. Yesterday she started to sing along with me when I was singing Twinkle Twinkle, of course she is not singing the actual words they are her own improvised lyrics. so she is a songwriter as well as being delicious.

I am posting a picture of my first organizational hurdle: the baker's rack. eek.

big girl in little chair

I took this photo today of Abby and I can't stop looking at it thinking, "omg, she looks so grown up" it makes me sad and proud all that the same time. And makes me laugh too because she was wearing her Elmo bib as a cape :)

hobo baby

The past week has been full of friends and fun. We went to Old Town Alexandria for dinner last week with Joe who was on a Booze Allen work trip to DC. He and Edgar used to be roommates a few hundred years ago and he is such a nice guy. We went to dinner at The Chart House, pretty good food but a little overpriced. They had no veggie options so Edgar got a baked potato and a Caesar salad (the salad could have fed a small town it was so huge) and was very happy with his choices. I had shrimp scampi and it was ok, not 25.00 worth of ok, but ok. Abby was such a good little lady at dinner, she was eating bread, ate some squash that I brought from home, and drank about 3 liters of milk from her kids cup the restaurant gave her. Her and I were engaged in a game of "hold the straw in your mouth like a dog would a stick" for most of dinner which was making her giggle, so I wasn't thinking about the fact that she was drinking SUCH a lot of fluids or taking her to the lady's room to check her diaper. Edgar asked me if I needed to take her and I said, "nah..she will be fine..they make diapers to hold lots of pee pee duh!" ugh...I hate when he is right. When we were finished dinner I picked up Abby out of the high chair and realized that her pants were soaked. With. Pee. oops. So, I took her to the bathroom and realized I didn't have wipes. Me=failing as mother. I couldn't leave the pants on her since they were pee soaked so I had to just put her in a diaper and she had to ride around Old Town in her stroller, for all to see in her underwear and a shirt. Oh, and she also had no shoes or socks on which really completed her hobo look.

another thing no one tells you

When I look at this picture I remember how much of a good time we were having on our honeymoon. We were at an English "pub" in Orlando, Fl. We had been there before when we were there for a friend's wedding, so it is our "local" when we visit there. We were drinking, I was smoking (o cigarettes...i miss you so), we could have sex whenever we wanted to (o yea, I'm going there)....life was us just doing whatever the hell we want to whenever we wanted to do it. We sure as hell didn't argue all the time or loose the ability to communicate with each other. I think something happens to your relationship after you have a child that is so wonderful, I mean it's lovely and wonderful and blah, blah, blah...What they DON'T tell you is that your husband will become so annoying to you that you will want to shove things up his nose or throw things at him. Or is that just me? I have a wonderful, amazing, adorable husband...he is thoughtful(the other night he went and bought me a Star magazine and an itunes gift card just for the heck of it), patient, a good provider, all around pretty much everything I was looking for. He pretty much deserves a fricking medal for putting up with my array of bitchiness and crap since Abby has been born. I'm very lucky. I guess I just have only enough patience for Abby and after that I just go into complete crazy lady mode at the slightest annoyance. I've never been a very patient person. It is a flaw of mine that I hate. I think having Abby sucked all my reasoning abilities and whatever extra patience I had out of me (not much) and I need to find a way to get them back.
I have been working out since I last wrote on here and it's so great, I have missed working out soooooooo much. Granted...I'm sore as hell but I love being sore from working out. I feel like it will do me good to clear my head and get out of the house for an hour each day. And maybe I will try a little therapy (shhhh, don't tell) I think I need someone other than my mom or my husband to tell me I'm behaving like a crazy bitch to make me actually take note.

Summertime...

I can't believe I haven't updated in such a long time, sorry for neglecting you Internet! Summer is well underway, in fact...sadly it's almost over. Abby and I have been having lots of adventures like the one pictured here <---- at our favourite playground. The best part of that playground to Abby is not the slides, swings, or the big hippo mouth that she is pictured sitting in. Abby loves the mulch, she loves to throw it, pick it up, smell it, lick it, TRY to eat without mommy seeing, give it to other kids, and make big piles of it on every piece of playground equipment possible. She is a mulch fiend.
This summer Abby has become addicted to Elmo. I can't even say the "E word" (or type it) without her asking , "Elme? Elme? Elme? Elme?" in such a cute little questioning way that is very hard not to shove the dvd into the player just to get her a little Elmo fix. I have managed her addiction by buying some Sesame Street cd's so that we can listen to Elmo and dance to him singing various songs. Over. And over. And over. Again. So I guess she is an Elmo fiend too. I wonder if their are 12 step programs for toddlers?
I'm excited because today I joined a fitness center! I am looking forward to working out because, A..I need to, I am skinny fat right now-my weight is fine but I have no muscle tone. And B...I need to get out of the house and clear my head. I love my Abby, and I love being home with her but by the end of the day I'm ready for a break for at least an hour. It's not easy to have a break and to stay in the house because Abby isn't as gullible as she used to be and will bang on the door and scream and scream until I relent and let her in. Seriously, I can't even poop by myself. So I'm having a session with a trainer tomorrow, which I didn't want to do but they make you do it so they can show you how to use the equipment. I know how to use it already but doesn't hurt to brush up. I haven't worked out seriously for about 7 years. That's sad. So I will let you know how sore I am on Saturday! wish me luck.

Milestones and Meltdowns

Ahh, summer...It's HOTTT (3 T's=very hot)! This week Abby and I have been hanging out in the house alot, BORING I know but if we go outside we will melt. We tried to go the playground, fail. Our favourite playground is brand new and in about 10 years it will be perfect, once the trees grow in. Right now there is no shade and alas it's a bit toasty for sliding and running around. The tantrums have continued this week. Why was I told it was the terrible "Two's"? It's obviously the terrible 14.5 months. Everything is a meltdown: I won't let her eat my toothpaste-meltdown. I won't let her take sharp knifes out of the dishwasher-meltdown. I won't let her dump Max's water bowls on the ground-meltdown. Basically, I'm a big ole meanie who won't let her do anything. I can't wait till she is a teenager!
Milestone for this week: Abby now shakes her head for yes and no. I discovered this when I was singing her one of our favourite songs to sing, "Hello, Hello. Who's your lady friend?" (I sing Abby mostly WWI and WWII era songs taught to me by my Grandad, she eats them up like candy!) I asked her if she wanted me to sing it again, and she nodded her head yes. The realization that she is understanding more and more words and concepts is amazing. Also makes me think, shit! I need to stop cursing so much and watch what I say in front her now. dammit.

Pittsburghitis

I own a toddler. duh I knew that this was coming. I was expecting it but I didn't think it would come so fast. I took Abby to get a haircut at Cartoon Cuts (so awesome by the way). I was a little worried about how the cut would go, I told the lady-if you can just get the bangs that's cool. To my utter shock Abby sat in that little chair, watching Elmo, like she gets her hair cut all the time and it's sooooooo not a big deal. We left the salon with the CUTEST hair cut in the world. Later that day I looked at my baby and was shocked to see that, my baby was gone and in her place is a running, tantrum having, toddler. sad. I watched her 1 year video this week and cried. I feel like I didn't appreciate all her stages,when she was teeny weeny I was waiting for her to able to sit up, and then I wanted her to crawl, and then I wanted her to eat solids, and then I wanted her to walk, etc... everyone does that right?
This weekend we WERE planning a trip to Pittsburgh to see family, go to the zoo, and generally have lots of fun. Wednesday night Abby was FUSSY w/ a capital F, felt like she was burning up to me but took her temp and it was normal. I trusted my $40 thermometer and assumed she was over dressed. The next day she would not eat breakfast and when we went to Target she got fussy, this is not like her she LOVES to go to Target, came home for lunch, she turned her nose up at lunch and then cried. hmmmmm....I thought, she feels warm again, but again my trusty thermometer would not lie to me right? As we were going away I thought (my mommy alarm went off) let me just call the pedi to see if they can check her ears because it would be our luck to go away and then have her be sick while we are there. I took her to the pedi and her temp was 101.4, what? My thermometer is a piece of shit apparently, so glad I wasted $40 on it, not happy. Her ears were OK, the one that was infected 2 weeks ago is still a bit "weird" according to the pedi but not infected, her throat was very red but not strep. Abby has a virus that is going around, every kid who has come into her office this week has the same fever and sore throat. I ask her the question, "should we still go away?" hoping she will say, sure it's no biggie... "I wouldn't", she says. Pittsburghitis strikes again. What is Pittsburghitis you say? well, when I was younger and we would go to Pittsburgh 9 times out of 10 I would get strep throat right before we would go or while we were there. Apparently it is hereditary.
So yesterday Abby's fever got up to 104.1. Yikes! I got a new thermometer, which seems to get working correctly, another $40. When I took her temp and it was 104 Abby was running around, laughing, talking non stop, playing, generally have the time of her life. wha? When I had mastitis my temp got up to 104 and I was lying on the couch, wrapped in a thousand blankets, crying my eyes out. Am I a big wimp? Or is Abby just a trooper? Since yesterday her fever has only gone up to 101 so I'm hoping we have seen the worst of this virus. Now we just have to plan our trip to Pittsburgh AGAIN and hope Pittsburghitis doesn't rear it's ugly head.

FAIL

Ever have one of those days as a mom/woman/human that you just feel like you are just sucking at everything? I am almost to the end of one of those days right now. I have got nothing accomplished today in my house, the bathroom is DISGUSTING especially since I took a shower w/ Abby this morning and put her on the floor after wrapped in a towel and she then peed. The kitchen looks like bed bath and beyond threw up w/ dishes and lord knows what everywhere. I turned my back on Abby for one second while attempting to make dinner and she proceeded to get her arm caught in the bars on the baby gate in such a way that I have NO IDEA how she got it in there. Of course this was right as Edgar was walking in the door and I'm screaming, "o my god!!!!!!!" and he's like "WHAT?" I honestly don't know how we got her arm out w/o breaking it, her arm was at such a weird angle. She is fine, her arm moves and she is now laughing and being herself again, I am still shaking and panicked.
The one thing that I thought I did right today was to buy a new bathing suit. I HATE shopping for these things, I'm sure I'm not alone in this. My problem is I have breasts. Big ones. And I'm still nursing so...draw your own conclusions. All the suits I try on are too small in the boob area, who the hell do they make these things for??? But today I found a semi decent suit, a 2 piece, cute colours! On sale too! I tried it on, not too shabby. I mean the boobs are definitly noticable but it's kind of hard to disguise them in a bathing suit you know? Eukeka! I thought, hooray the search is over!!!!!!!!!! I proudly brought my new suit home, tried it on again. Ok, ok...I can wear this I think. Edgar came home and proudly I try it on for him after dinner, anticipating the compliments. "It's too small on top." are the first words out of his mouth. "yea you are right, I'm taking it back" I respond. Wtf.

hey no fair!

so...Edgar just got back from church and getting his hair cut, he was gone for almost 2 hours. Now he is taking a nice shower before heading upstairs for a day of working from home on a sunday no less! While he was at church I fed Abby breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, kept Abby from injuring herself and lord knows what else, entertained her w/o putting her infront of the TV, put loads of laundry in the wash, and kept Max from licking his boo boo leg. um....hey! NO FAIR! I would like to take a shower, I would like to get my hair cut with out having to drag Abby along and rush home again afterwards to make dinner or something. I guess this is just the age old difference between men and women, I guess I didn't notice it before I had a baby so much and became a stay at home mom. I don't mind cleaning and cooking and taking care of Abby, but sometimes I would like a break ya know?
ok I'm finished complaining about that now. In his defense, Edgar is folding clothes right now.
Abby's latest obsession is my belly button. weird right? Not so comfortable for me either, I kind of don't like little people pulling up my shirt and putting their fingers into my belly button as hard as they can. Reminds me of a guy I dated who had this fear his belly button would unravel, hee hee, traumatized by his older brother. He would totally freak out if you went near his belly button! She is also very into blowing rasberries on my belly, which is totally hilarious! We get many laughs from that.
I am lucky to have a great life, sometimes it gets on my nerves but it could be sooooo much worse, or I could have Abby in daycare 10 hrs a day and have to work and do all this stuff too. Ok...back to cleaning now!

what to do...

with a toddler? Abby and I are much more mobile now than we used to be so we are always looking for new things to do. I try to go somewhere with her everyday, it may not always be someplace spectacular and fun but it's out of the house ya know? Now that the weather is getting nicer (will it ever stop raining?) I am looking forward to more trips to the zoo, maybe a museum if I'm daring? We are so close to DC and a lot of pretty cool (free) stuff so I feel like I should take advantage of it. I have met some great moms through Little Gym and we try to get together at least once a week to have some fun, I'm proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone to make some new friends. It's been a little hard lately, my circle of friends seems to be getting smaller, people are busy with other things and new projects (I know, tiny violins are playing) so if I'm going to have some friends I need to be proactive. Although I have to say when I am busy I do try to make time for my friends, I just had to say it-there it's out there :) Next week I'm going to a moms night out dinner at the Melting Pot, I have always wanted to go there so I'm excited and I will get to meet some new moms to hopefully connect with and have a great time. Abby is awake and now I must go and put her back to sleep w/ my magic Mommy powers! nite!

to sleep..perchance to dream and other crap

O Internet, the time has come to try to sleep train Abby. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm dreading it in fact. But I would like to have some kind of normalcy to my sleep habits again. I hear stories about Mommies who actually (gasp!) get to sleep in their OWN BEDS! and I want to be there too. I have enjoyed sleeping with Abby and I'm sure I will miss it when that day comes when she is peacefully heading off to dreamland but I will also be doing the Dance of Joy in my bedroom. I got the book "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber(the dreaded Ferber!) and so far it's very interesting, it's not just about cry it out apparently so I'm going to read it and them decide what we are going to do. Abby had ANOTHER ear infection and we just finished the meds today, next week we are going to get her ears checked to make sure the infection is gone and then we may start the sleep training. I think that it's going to be like the worst torture for me and probably worse for Edgar because he is a big wimp when it comes to Abby.
I am having a bit of a funk lately, I am missing a good, dear friend that I haven't seen or talked to in about 3 months. I was listening to my ipod the other night and reminiscing about old times when we would go out and dance dance dance our butts off with wild abandonment. I am just missing having friends in general lately, my good friends are all either not talking to me, 12 hours away, or too busy. Sometimes I feel like I'm begging people to be my friend and I really don't find that to be appealing. I do have some "mommy" friends I am getting to know so there is hope for me yet. le sigh...

my little mystery

I know this is an old pic but I think it's funny and I have been a bad mommy the last few weeks and really haven't taken any pictures. I have been lazy and not keeping up with the blog lately sorry Internet! I am a whee bit confused as late because my little Petunia has decided she is much too advanced to take naps and...maybe she only needs to nap for an hour a day but NO MORE. The last week has been nap mutiny, we were on such a great schedule for the last 6 months or more and alas now who knows...if I get one hour of nap I'm lucky. Teething?-yes she is like a fiend, could this be it? A friend of mine told me today that her son did this too when he transitioned to just one nap a day, so I'm going to go with this theory and hope for the best. Babies are a mystery I tell you!

I turned 32 last week and I don't really know how I feel about it. On one hand I know that it's not old and 50 is the new 30 and all that but 32...jeez it's just so much closer to 40 than 31. I don't know if it's just me but since I have had a baby I kind of don't know what my "identity" is anymore. Am I still a girl who likes to go out and dance? Am I just some one's mom now? Can I still get my clothes at H & M? Do I look like mutton dressed as lamb if I do? I was walking with Abby today and I saw a girl, probably around 15, walking home from school. She smiled at me and said hi and I said hi back and I thought, "wow, that was me 5 minutes ago" and it just blew my mind that time has gone by so fast. Has it really been 15 yrs or more that I was in high school?

I think I am allergic to Thank You notes. If I owe you one, I'm so sorry I suck at writing them. And mailing them. I have them written out and I didn't have stamps so instead of buying stamps I just gave up and forgot that you can actually buy stamps at the store so I had to wait for Edgar to give me some. Stamps that is.

a whole new world

Abby has been walking now for almost a week and we are entering a new phase now called-"I Don't Want To Walk Where You Want Me To" also someone must have taught her passive resisitance because if I try to pick her up to move her where I want her to go she goes limp. I'm already tired of chasing her around. If you have a baby and they aren't walking yet-enjoy. It is amazing though how fast they catch on to walking, everyday Abby gets a little more sure of herself and goes further and further without falling or tripping over invisible bumps in the carpet. We went to Stride Rite this week and spent way too much money on shoes, $40! I rarely even spend that on my own shoes, in fact...I haven't bought new shoes for 2 years almost--wow that is sad. All the shoes that Abby could wear were PINK, not just pink but PINK. I wanted something that looked girly but could be a little more neutral, I've been told by my good friend Kari that it is not possible at this stage in the game. Way to force kids into gender stereotypes Stride Rite!
Tonight Edgar and I went on a date to Sushi Damo in the Rockville Town Center. Wow, so delicious...I have been craving some sushi for a while now but since Edgar is a vegetarian we never eat it anymore. Funny how Edgar becoming a veggievore has totally screwed up my diet, no fair.

photos...

ugh, i posted the last blog in mozilla and for some reason it won't let me post photos so here is a couple of recent ones...

it's official!...

Abby can well and truly walk now. So funny that it just happened all of a sudden, yesterday she was still just walking a few steps every so often and this morning she just got up and walked across the living room and hasn't stopped since. I'm so happy and excited about this new stage in her life but also a little sad to think she is not a crawling baby anymore, is she still a baby even? Is she a toddler? GASP! I'm definetly enjoying the fact that we can take her to do more things now and she is really enjoying them. We went to BunnyLand the other day, not the Bunny Ranch which is what I keep calling it for some reason (freudian slip?), at Butler's Orchard. I just have to say I love that place, it's so cute and I can't wait to take Abby to pick strawberries in the summer-I used to do that when I was little and it was one of my favourite things to do. Bunnyland was so fun, we met Russ, Leah, and Edaena there; Abby rode a pony who's name was Scooby Doo. I was a little afraid that she would be scared and cry but she LOVED it and just giggled and smiled the whole time. After that we saw baby animals and took lots of great photos for memories. Edaena is getting so big, @ almost 5 months she is so cute and starting to laugh and smile. Abby was smitten with her when we came back to the house and couldn't resist kissing her little baby foot. Abby is very into kissing things at the moment, Max is covered in kisses all day long and she even kissed a boy at Little Gym the other (look out Nicholas!) it's just so adorable I love that she is getting so huggy and snuggly now. After being with a young baby it really made me realize how much easier it is to have an older baby, she doesn't cry as much as she did when she was 4 months, she can eat solid food and not have to nurse every 2 hours, also if I did have to nurse her it would be so much easier as Abby and I are nursing pros now as we have demonstrated by nursing various places including the bank. Still even after all that annoying little teeny baby stuff I still REALLY want to have another one, it's so worth it and do not want Abby to grow up an only child.
I had a wonderful dinner "date" with Kari at PF Changs, o my it was delish! I think it is entirely possible that Kari and I will never ever run out of things to talk about. Ever. I just love her. Then I went home and Edgar had taken Abby to Mircro Center (poor child) and to the party store to get a new balloon because she loves them so, awe what a nice Daddy! Sadly, Abby is afraid of the helium tanks sssssing noise and pitched a fit so she will have to wait until I take her to safeway next week to get one.
Finally---I got new curtains!!!! I'm in shock that I have actually got CURTAINS, I feel like I'm dreaming I have wanted to get rid of those crappy blinds for so many years now and now they are gone. le sigh...I am a happy mummy today.

walkie pants

Abby has walked! Not a great distance I might add but she has walked to me about 10 times now, she is getting better and more confident. It's so cute!
The weather lately has been making me melancholy, I hate rainy days. Being a stay at home mom now a rainy day=cabin fever/babywatchingtoomuchtvbecausemommyisoutofideas. Today to beat the rain Abby and I took a little field trip to Petsmart to look at fishies and whatever else we could see. Abby adored the birds and screeched her little lungs out when she saw them, the poor things were all desperately trying to get to the back of the cage away from the huge banshee in their faces. Then we looked at kitties and Abby and I decided that we need one and it's name needs to be Penny, so screw Daddy and his silly ole allergies. I wish we could really get one, but I fear Max would tear it limb from limb. We then traveled to Harris Teeter, we have one now and I've never been in one so we went. Oh My!-I love it. How sad am I that I am so excited over a new grocery store? Am I officially old now? Harris Teeter is the cleanest grocery store I think I've ever seen and it's just cozy. I will be going more often.
I got an email from my stepmother today. I sent them pictures of Abby from her birthday party looking all cute a week ago and got no response so I wrote again to see if they received the email. The response I got was that, yes they got the pics, my dad was rushed to hospital in pain, they did tests, all is fine, hope all is well with you! uh...what? Thanks for a phone call or something!!! I think one day I will get an email from her that says, "by the way...your dad died 2 weeks ago and we had the funeral." I have a strained relationship with my father (he never calls me on birthdays, xmas, ever, he never helped my mom out w/ money to support me, he is just a sorry excuse for a father all the around) but I really thought that things would be different when Abby was born. My stepmother has grandchildren that my dad considers to be his too, which is fine, every time I talk to him on the phone all he can do is talk about these kids, when I had a miscarriage and he called me a week later all he could do was talk about how the little girl was turning 2 and he couldn't believe it was a year ago they were at the hospital when she was born (I know...what a fabulous thing to say in my hour of grief) so I thought that he would be into Abby. I should have known better than to think my stepmother would allow that, she has decreed that they will never be leaving Great Britain again and I'm sure has set financial restrictions on what my father can spend on Abby like she did when I was 10 and my dad wasn't allowed to spend any more money on me for Xmas than they did on her kids who were in their 20's. No phone call on Abby's birthday, no present, no phone call since Xmas actually, it's disgusting. He disgusts me. She disgusts me. They do not deserve to ever be in the presence of Abby or have her smile at them or hug them. I had to get that off my chest Internet, I feel a bit better now.

mush

Thought I would stick this photo in here since I forgot to add one in the last post about her birthday. Poor thing she was so sick for her party, takes after me. I have a habit of getting incredibly sick right around special occasions. Abby had her 12 mo nth check up and everything was fine, she had shots (boo hiss!) and was throughly pissed off. Temper tantrums seem to be happening kind of a lot the last couple of days...not sure how I'm supposed to deal w/ them right now. I can't exactly discipline her, I usually just let her thrash around and get it all out or nursing has helped on a few occasions. Anywho...I love Abby's doctor, she is the sweetest lady and I've never met anyone more suited to their job in my life. She is so reassuring and calm, we saw her for Abby's first appointment ever and of course I was a mess. Abby was loosing weight, nursing wasn't going great, she had some orange pee (totally normal apparently) and all in all I was one big tense muscle. Dr Wonderful made me feel so much better and really helped me to come back down to earth and realize I wasn't totally screwing up and Abby would be fine. So at the 12month appointment the doctor told me I have to stop nursing Abby at night. uhhhhh....what? I'm going to have to file that in the same drawer as "getting her to sleep in her crib".

I have a Mommy confession to make: I forgot to brush my teeth today and I have just never got around to doing it yet. I promise I will before I go to bed, especially since I just ate a yummy ice cream.

1 year...

So Abby is 1 now. We celebrated her birthday yesterday, and saturday, and the saturday before that, yea I know overkill but we were excited ok! Life with Abby has been a little trying lately, she has had an ear infection, teething, and some kind of personality change that is not cool at all. I think someone came and switched babies on me when I wasn't looking because gone is my little happy go lucky, good eater, no tantrum girl instead I have a girl who gets mad if she is in her high chair for more than 5 minutes, looses her mind if she can't pick something up or move it, and cries. ALL THE TIME. So this past week has been a bad one, I'll admit yes I have lost my temper and yelled at her. There I said it. I'm not proud of it but there you go. I have also wanted to get in my car and drive away, far away and leave her with her father for a few days, hey a girl can dream right?
I have decided I'm going to use this blog now not just to document Abby's milestones and cute little stories but to get stuff off my chest and to just talk about motherhood in general. First off I would like to say IT'S HARD. Really hard, much harder than I thought it would be, there is no break it's 24/7. I knew this before I had a baby but I guess I just didn't KNOW it. If I say this to my husband he thinks that I don't want to be a stay at home mom anymore or don't love being a mother, sigh...men. I love being a mom and I love staying home with her it's just that it is the most I have ever worked in my life. On my busiest day at work I never worked this hard. I can't believe I have been doing it for a whole year, I also can't believe I have been nursing for a whole year. If you could have seen me when I started breastfeeding, I sucked at it. Abby sucked at it (or not as the case may be) we were a mess. I wanted to quit so freaking bad, I hated my husband for not letting me quit and went off on multiple tirades about how it is not his body but mine and blah blah "I am woman hear me" etc...we saw a lactation consultant and it got so much better after that. So now a year later I'm not planning on stopping until she is ready, UNLESS she is not ready by the time she is 2, then we will be having a talk.

true love

11 months tomorrow!! I can not believe it, this year has passed me by at warp speed. I am feeling a little melancholy about Abby turning 1 for some reason. I love watching her change and meet new milestones everyday but it is bittersweet since she isn't a "baby" anymore. Now I understand how my mom must feel now that I am going to be 32 this year, argh...I guess the grass is always greener because when she was a teeny baby I was so nervous about everything I was wishing she was older. I can't win. We are starting to plan her birthday party, well...parties. We are having a family/friends party at our hour and a play date joint party w/ Nicholas Abby's friend at a local rec center. I feel like I have alot to do to plan for both of them and I need to get a move on. I am going to be on the look out for some cute, fun things for 1 yr olds to do so if anyone has any ideas, please share.
This week Abby has been just learning things out the wazoo. Clapping is one thing she has started doing, I'm so glad as I have been waiting for her to clap for ages! Her little hands clap so daintily it's just as precious as can be. The last couple of weeks she has also started to be able to stand by herself for quite long periods of time without falling, once she even stood up without holding onto anything! I wasn't quite sure what to do at first as I was waiting for her to fall over but she just stood there, both little feet planted firmly on the ground, as if she had been doing it for years.
I have to say I have never been more in love with a human being than I am with my Abigail. I love my Mom and my husband obviously, but this is totally different...it's almost divine, I would do anything for her. I would climb Everest for her, I would walk through fire for her. I would make a complete fool of myself for her, and I do so on a regular basis, just to hear her beautiful laugh and see her smile.

Germfest 2009

What a fun filled 2 weeks it's been! First there was the stomach bug, then teething, next a fabulous cold, and last but not least double ear infections. The stomach bug was just punishment I think for Edgar and I going out on a date w/o Abby. My Mom was watching Abby, all was well. We came home and were informed Abby had been sick twice...weird. I fed her and put her into bed, that was my first mistake, then I heard it on the monitor. Puking! poor baby girl! I ran into her and she was covered, luckily she didn't eat dinner and had pretty much just threw up the breast milk from earlier. This continued until she had nothing left in her little tummy and she went to sleep. I have to say now that being puked on by my child does not phase me in the least, I think I had a pukey shirt on for a few hours before I realized I should probably change it. The remnants of this was a week of diarrhea (aren't you glad I'm telling you all this Internet?) which could last for 2 weeks per the doctor! Things were going well and then a cold, w/ a nasty chesty cough to go w/ it. Once the cold started to go away Abby got really upset one night and couldn't stop crying and hitting her ears. uh oh. I took her in a voila!-double ear infections. So we are on 10 days of antibiotics, which are giving her diarrhea AGAIN, all in all Abby is being such a good little patient and loves her bright pink medicine. I hope when she is older she will forgive me for taking pictures of her when she is sick but she just looked so darn cute I couldn't resist. I'm hoping this week we make it to Little Gym, since the last 2 classes we have missed. I have asked friends of mine who have older kids if this is how it is every winter, I was informed, yep. sigh...

Snow!

Well Internet, it's that time of year again, it snowed. For me snow is great while it's snowing and then for the rest of the day or next day but then when it gets dirty I want no more to do with it. Abby got to experience her first snow and as you can see by the photo she wasn't all that impressed. We invited Kelly and her son and Abby's buddy Nicholas over to enjoy the snow with us. The babies were out in the snow for about 5 minutes, which is less time than it took me to get Abby's snow suit on, and they sat there and looked annoyed at why they could barely move. Then Abby wiped snow in Nicholas's face and it was time to go in. I'm sure next year will be so much more fun, I can't wait to make a snow man with her! Little Gym started up again last week and I'm so glad! I really missed having somewhere to go once a week to socialize, is that pathetic? All of our old friends were there and some new ones as well, Abby crawled all over the gym-last time we were there she hadn't quite mastered crawling yet so she has lots of freedom there to roam around. Abby has added a new trick to her repertoire this week, "So Big!" is when I ask her, "How big is Abby?" and then she and I hold our arms out very wide and I say, "sooooo biiiiiiig!" then you just change "Abby" to "Max" or "Daddy" etc...it's a very fun game!
The other day I was holding Abby and she started to scratch my chest, I told her, "no" and then she laughed at me, I told her no again but in a firmer voice and she cracked up! At this point Edgar and I had to laugh because it was funny and at this point wasn't hurting too bad, then she kept on doing it and I kept saying no, I pretended to cry and made sad faces well that was hilarious to her! After all was said and done my chest looked like I had been attacked by a kitten and I was perplexed by what to do in the future when this happens. Any suggestions will be appreciated! I'm just going to keep on saying no and stopping her from doing whatever she is doing and hopefully once she understands what the word means she will get it and not think it's so funny. I will not slap her hand away or spank her, I've decided that I really don't want to do that. I would like to use time outs instead, I know I'm naive since Abby is my only child right now so we will see if I feel differently in a year or so once the "terrible twos" hit. I have to go now and finish watching "Thelma and Louise", I love that movie.

Change.

This week was the Inauguration of Barrack Obama. I wasn't a supporter of his but it was pretty exciting to watch him being sworn in and to see the country so hopeful and excited. Abby was thrilled as you can see by the pic, I let her eat her lunch in the living room so we (I) could watch it. I figure when she is older she can at least say she "saw" it. Today my mum came over and we went out and did some birthday shopping for Edgar. I have to say I feel a little odd giving him a present that he basically bought himself, "here honey look what I got you w/ your own money!" but it's the thought that counts right Internet? Abby was so happy to see my mum, it's so cute! She sees my mum alot so I'm glad they will have a close relationship. My mum always comes over or shows up while Abby is asleep so we were laughing today about how Abby must think Nana is magic because one moment she isn't there and then she wakes up and POOF she will be laying on the couch or POOF she's in the car! Abby was so good while we were shopping, I remember when I was a little kid having to go shopping w/ my mum was like torture (now i love it because she buys me things) so I felt her pain at having to sit still for so long. But she was a trooper and didn't cry once! Then we all got in the car and took Max to the vets-fun! Before Abby was born Max was my baby and if you would have told me I would be typing this right now I would have called you a liar-liar-pants-on-fire but now he is a dog. Of course he was always a dog but now to me he is not my "baby" he is my dog. I still love him but our relationship has changed, he looks at me w/ resentful eyes these days and we have quite a few arguments about his habit of stealing Abby's stuffed animals. It makes me sad that I feel this way and guilty because I know Edgar still sees him in the same way and probably thinks I'm mean and horrible for feeling like this. I live in the hopes that one day when the real babies have grown up a little bit Max and I will have our love fest back on track.

cookie day

I know Christmas is over but I really like this pic of Abby, she looks so thrilled and Edgar dressed her that day and you know how it is when dads dress kids. This week has been a little cabin fever-ish for Abby and I. It is FREEZING cold outside so we haven't been out as much as normal which is a little mind numbing for me. Abby is teething like a fiend right now, but no teethies will show up for some reason. She has her 2 bottom ones but that's it for now, I have a feeling they will come all at once and really give us a run for our money. Abby has started to wave lately, it's so cute! She kind of looks like she is making hand puppets talk w/ her hands and when we were in the car today I could see her in the mirror waving at herself. Abby has started to wave at people when we are out and it really bugs me when they don't wave back! I want to yell at them and say, "wave to my kid for God's sake!! Can't you see her waving her little arms off at you!!??" so far I have held myself back, but come on Internet-what kind of person doesn't wave back at a baby? If a baby waves at me by hands automatically wave back, I can't help it. Today we had to go to Verizon to get a new cell phone for me because Abby drooled all over and into my cell phone and it shorted out and started acting very strange so I told them it "broke" and they replaced it in like 10 mins! so awesome, only problem is I didn't get to keep my phone numbers so now I have to add them all in. While we were in Verizon a man sneezed. When I say sneezed I mean he yelled as loud as you could possibly yell about 5 times in a row. Who sneezes like that? I can sneeze at a decent pitch and not yell while doing it, Edgar cannot so maybe it's a guy thing. Anyway, folks were looking at him like, "dude?..." and smirking at each other, then Abby started crying because he scared the crap out of her and he apologized and then said, "isn't he cute." In his defense she had on a redskins tracksuit but she had a pink hat on. I wasn't offended I just think it's funny when people do that. Abby was wearing a dress that was purple w/ little tights that matched w/ flowers on them at a baby shower once and some one's great aunt asked about "him" I corrected her but COME ON-she was wearing A DRESS!
Abby is also starting to stand up a little bit w/o holding on to things, scary. I think she will be walking in a couple of months or less, makes me a little bit sad that she is growing up so fast.

9 months!

Yesterday Abby was officially 9 months old! I can't believe it Internet, it has flown by waaay too fast. Her dr's appointment was great, she is going to be tall (yay) 29 1/2 inches long baby! The nurse had to take blood to check for lead and anemia, so she had to prick her little ole finger. Abby didn't like that very much as you can imagine and then she had a little band aid on her finger and she was quite fascinated by it. I quickly removed it before we got in the car so she didn't eat it. Last night Abby decided at about 2:30 am that it was time to crawl around the bed and practice standing up, also time to giggle at the imaginary thing in the corner of her room that she stares and giggles at (scary). It took about 2 hours almost to get her back to sleep, nursing didn't work, I just had to wait for her to crash, and she did thank god. I'm really considering trying Ferber or another one of those cry it out (cio) sleep thingies because I would rather she slept in her own crib, #1-it was EXPENSIVE lol! #2-I would like to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I'm such a softie, I just feel anxious and horrible every time I think about cio, ugh...

The Holidays

This year I was looking forward the Holidays even more than I usually am because it was Abby's first everything! We started early and took Abby to see Santa before thanksgiving, I assumed she would cry but I'm ok w/ that I just wanted a memory and picture. As soon as she saw the man in red she screamed! I ended up sitting on a stool w/ her on my knee and leaning out of the picture, then Santa rubbed my knee. I want to think that he thought it was Abby, so I'm going w/ that. Christmas Eve we went to church , Abby is in her screaming phase so she screamed a couple of times and we got "looks" from some older folks around us. She wasn't screaming out of fussiness she just likes to express herself. Loudly. They can bite me. There was other kids screaming and crying so there (sticking my tongue out)! The lady next to me had a really nice Coach bag and Abby was trying to get into it, hey the girl has taste.
Christmas morning Abby opened her stocking w/ Daddy and Mommy took pictures as usual. I never get to be in pictures! Then we had a big breakfast and waited around for grandparents to arrive. For some reason Internet, I had insisted that we host Christmas this year. I think I was high on epidural or something because I will never host Christmas again until Abby is older it's waaay too much work w/ a baby. Thank goodness though my Mom brought the majority of the food and it was made already, I made the turkey tho and it was damn good! Abby got so many toys I don't know what to do w/ them and them we watched Mama Mia and everyone left. It was an awesome Christmas but it never lives up to my expectations for some reason, I think I expect it to be like Christmas was when I was little and we used to go to my Aunt's house and there was so many people and we played games and it was a perfect Christmas. I can't wait to make those Christmases for Abby.