a whole new world

Abby has been walking now for almost a week and we are entering a new phase now called-"I Don't Want To Walk Where You Want Me To" also someone must have taught her passive resisitance because if I try to pick her up to move her where I want her to go she goes limp. I'm already tired of chasing her around. If you have a baby and they aren't walking yet-enjoy. It is amazing though how fast they catch on to walking, everyday Abby gets a little more sure of herself and goes further and further without falling or tripping over invisible bumps in the carpet. We went to Stride Rite this week and spent way too much money on shoes, $40! I rarely even spend that on my own shoes, in fact...I haven't bought new shoes for 2 years almost--wow that is sad. All the shoes that Abby could wear were PINK, not just pink but PINK. I wanted something that looked girly but could be a little more neutral, I've been told by my good friend Kari that it is not possible at this stage in the game. Way to force kids into gender stereotypes Stride Rite!
Tonight Edgar and I went on a date to Sushi Damo in the Rockville Town Center. Wow, so delicious...I have been craving some sushi for a while now but since Edgar is a vegetarian we never eat it anymore. Funny how Edgar becoming a veggievore has totally screwed up my diet, no fair.

photos...

ugh, i posted the last blog in mozilla and for some reason it won't let me post photos so here is a couple of recent ones...

it's official!...

Abby can well and truly walk now. So funny that it just happened all of a sudden, yesterday she was still just walking a few steps every so often and this morning she just got up and walked across the living room and hasn't stopped since. I'm so happy and excited about this new stage in her life but also a little sad to think she is not a crawling baby anymore, is she still a baby even? Is she a toddler? GASP! I'm definetly enjoying the fact that we can take her to do more things now and she is really enjoying them. We went to BunnyLand the other day, not the Bunny Ranch which is what I keep calling it for some reason (freudian slip?), at Butler's Orchard. I just have to say I love that place, it's so cute and I can't wait to take Abby to pick strawberries in the summer-I used to do that when I was little and it was one of my favourite things to do. Bunnyland was so fun, we met Russ, Leah, and Edaena there; Abby rode a pony who's name was Scooby Doo. I was a little afraid that she would be scared and cry but she LOVED it and just giggled and smiled the whole time. After that we saw baby animals and took lots of great photos for memories. Edaena is getting so big, @ almost 5 months she is so cute and starting to laugh and smile. Abby was smitten with her when we came back to the house and couldn't resist kissing her little baby foot. Abby is very into kissing things at the moment, Max is covered in kisses all day long and she even kissed a boy at Little Gym the other (look out Nicholas!) it's just so adorable I love that she is getting so huggy and snuggly now. After being with a young baby it really made me realize how much easier it is to have an older baby, she doesn't cry as much as she did when she was 4 months, she can eat solid food and not have to nurse every 2 hours, also if I did have to nurse her it would be so much easier as Abby and I are nursing pros now as we have demonstrated by nursing various places including the bank. Still even after all that annoying little teeny baby stuff I still REALLY want to have another one, it's so worth it and do not want Abby to grow up an only child.
I had a wonderful dinner "date" with Kari at PF Changs, o my it was delish! I think it is entirely possible that Kari and I will never ever run out of things to talk about. Ever. I just love her. Then I went home and Edgar had taken Abby to Mircro Center (poor child) and to the party store to get a new balloon because she loves them so, awe what a nice Daddy! Sadly, Abby is afraid of the helium tanks sssssing noise and pitched a fit so she will have to wait until I take her to safeway next week to get one.
Finally---I got new curtains!!!! I'm in shock that I have actually got CURTAINS, I feel like I'm dreaming I have wanted to get rid of those crappy blinds for so many years now and now they are gone. le sigh...I am a happy mummy today.

walkie pants

Abby has walked! Not a great distance I might add but she has walked to me about 10 times now, she is getting better and more confident. It's so cute!
The weather lately has been making me melancholy, I hate rainy days. Being a stay at home mom now a rainy day=cabin fever/babywatchingtoomuchtvbecausemommyisoutofideas. Today to beat the rain Abby and I took a little field trip to Petsmart to look at fishies and whatever else we could see. Abby adored the birds and screeched her little lungs out when she saw them, the poor things were all desperately trying to get to the back of the cage away from the huge banshee in their faces. Then we looked at kitties and Abby and I decided that we need one and it's name needs to be Penny, so screw Daddy and his silly ole allergies. I wish we could really get one, but I fear Max would tear it limb from limb. We then traveled to Harris Teeter, we have one now and I've never been in one so we went. Oh My!-I love it. How sad am I that I am so excited over a new grocery store? Am I officially old now? Harris Teeter is the cleanest grocery store I think I've ever seen and it's just cozy. I will be going more often.
I got an email from my stepmother today. I sent them pictures of Abby from her birthday party looking all cute a week ago and got no response so I wrote again to see if they received the email. The response I got was that, yes they got the pics, my dad was rushed to hospital in pain, they did tests, all is fine, hope all is well with you! uh...what? Thanks for a phone call or something!!! I think one day I will get an email from her that says, "by the way...your dad died 2 weeks ago and we had the funeral." I have a strained relationship with my father (he never calls me on birthdays, xmas, ever, he never helped my mom out w/ money to support me, he is just a sorry excuse for a father all the around) but I really thought that things would be different when Abby was born. My stepmother has grandchildren that my dad considers to be his too, which is fine, every time I talk to him on the phone all he can do is talk about these kids, when I had a miscarriage and he called me a week later all he could do was talk about how the little girl was turning 2 and he couldn't believe it was a year ago they were at the hospital when she was born (I know...what a fabulous thing to say in my hour of grief) so I thought that he would be into Abby. I should have known better than to think my stepmother would allow that, she has decreed that they will never be leaving Great Britain again and I'm sure has set financial restrictions on what my father can spend on Abby like she did when I was 10 and my dad wasn't allowed to spend any more money on me for Xmas than they did on her kids who were in their 20's. No phone call on Abby's birthday, no present, no phone call since Xmas actually, it's disgusting. He disgusts me. She disgusts me. They do not deserve to ever be in the presence of Abby or have her smile at them or hug them. I had to get that off my chest Internet, I feel a bit better now.

mush

Thought I would stick this photo in here since I forgot to add one in the last post about her birthday. Poor thing she was so sick for her party, takes after me. I have a habit of getting incredibly sick right around special occasions. Abby had her 12 mo nth check up and everything was fine, she had shots (boo hiss!) and was throughly pissed off. Temper tantrums seem to be happening kind of a lot the last couple of days...not sure how I'm supposed to deal w/ them right now. I can't exactly discipline her, I usually just let her thrash around and get it all out or nursing has helped on a few occasions. Anywho...I love Abby's doctor, she is the sweetest lady and I've never met anyone more suited to their job in my life. She is so reassuring and calm, we saw her for Abby's first appointment ever and of course I was a mess. Abby was loosing weight, nursing wasn't going great, she had some orange pee (totally normal apparently) and all in all I was one big tense muscle. Dr Wonderful made me feel so much better and really helped me to come back down to earth and realize I wasn't totally screwing up and Abby would be fine. So at the 12month appointment the doctor told me I have to stop nursing Abby at night. uhhhhh....what? I'm going to have to file that in the same drawer as "getting her to sleep in her crib".

I have a Mommy confession to make: I forgot to brush my teeth today and I have just never got around to doing it yet. I promise I will before I go to bed, especially since I just ate a yummy ice cream.

1 year...

So Abby is 1 now. We celebrated her birthday yesterday, and saturday, and the saturday before that, yea I know overkill but we were excited ok! Life with Abby has been a little trying lately, she has had an ear infection, teething, and some kind of personality change that is not cool at all. I think someone came and switched babies on me when I wasn't looking because gone is my little happy go lucky, good eater, no tantrum girl instead I have a girl who gets mad if she is in her high chair for more than 5 minutes, looses her mind if she can't pick something up or move it, and cries. ALL THE TIME. So this past week has been a bad one, I'll admit yes I have lost my temper and yelled at her. There I said it. I'm not proud of it but there you go. I have also wanted to get in my car and drive away, far away and leave her with her father for a few days, hey a girl can dream right?
I have decided I'm going to use this blog now not just to document Abby's milestones and cute little stories but to get stuff off my chest and to just talk about motherhood in general. First off I would like to say IT'S HARD. Really hard, much harder than I thought it would be, there is no break it's 24/7. I knew this before I had a baby but I guess I just didn't KNOW it. If I say this to my husband he thinks that I don't want to be a stay at home mom anymore or don't love being a mother, sigh...men. I love being a mom and I love staying home with her it's just that it is the most I have ever worked in my life. On my busiest day at work I never worked this hard. I can't believe I have been doing it for a whole year, I also can't believe I have been nursing for a whole year. If you could have seen me when I started breastfeeding, I sucked at it. Abby sucked at it (or not as the case may be) we were a mess. I wanted to quit so freaking bad, I hated my husband for not letting me quit and went off on multiple tirades about how it is not his body but mine and blah blah "I am woman hear me" etc...we saw a lactation consultant and it got so much better after that. So now a year later I'm not planning on stopping until she is ready, UNLESS she is not ready by the time she is 2, then we will be having a talk.